Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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