Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
