i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
