Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
