sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
