I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
