You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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