wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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