Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I checked into jail on foursquare
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
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I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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