I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
