it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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