I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
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just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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