It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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