Whod you bang
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
