I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
this is an emotional support booty call
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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