apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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