just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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