covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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