so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
