He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize