yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
