fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
