i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
