So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
honey bunches of taint.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
