i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
