Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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