soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
