i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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