he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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