I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
