1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Randomize
