Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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