u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
