In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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