why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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