this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
