you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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