I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
