Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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