yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
