im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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