the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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