so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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