I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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