I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
