Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
