I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
