sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
