Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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