It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i dont even know how to be here
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
