Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
