I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
