and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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