Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
