dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
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He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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