sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
