I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
