omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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