I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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