I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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