Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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