I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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